I don't like this very much. I'd rather not file monthly statements. I'd prefer dust never returned to my bookshelves. I wish businesses owed me checks instead of the other way around.
But more than the bills and the dust, there is another thing I can never repay, never outpace. I'll never "catch up" with the grace that always runs alongside me, constantly available from the Lord who makes all things new.
This makes me feel awkward, too, I guess. I can never give enough back to God. It's simply me He wants. Not my organizational skills or my clever efficiency. Just the whole of the unfinished me -- disheveled closets, unkempt drawers, and all.
May we all rest in this reality as we enter the new year.
"To live accepting God's grace is to live in eternal debt. It demands that I wait, I accept, with no chance of keeping the score balanced. It's letting go of control. I'm forced to acknowledge I'll never even things up. I practice solitude, which means staying open to receive. Making time to be alone. Putting things on hold." ~ Cindy Crosby
